We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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