dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
