did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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