his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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