remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
