i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
