Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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