These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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