Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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