Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
