He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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