his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His nipple licking is glorious
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