I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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