Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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