he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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