I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
