My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
