Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
