It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
