Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
