and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
