I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
