I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
