I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
