Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
