yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
