i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
