I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
