We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
