So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
