I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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