Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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