4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to calm my uterus...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
