you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
