I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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