and i looked up. we had an audience...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
