i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
