shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
