Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
