Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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