So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
