making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
