Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
