you guys were way drunker than both of me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
