Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
