i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
