my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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