You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
