This girl is more easily done than said...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
