I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
