Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
