New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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