he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
