ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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