He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize