I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
