Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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