My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe he injected his testicle?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
