I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Terrible idea I love it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
