He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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