Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
