I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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