do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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