why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize