I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
