when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
