he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm passing your future prison.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
