so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
