Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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