went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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